Y’all remember Lumpy and them? The Seven Dwarfs? And stop right there. Don’t start prissily naming off all seven like it’ll get you some kind of degree. They ain’t Santa’s eight reindeer, you know. And besides, what about Rudolph? Anyhow, the whole fairy tale thing has always been kinda strange, but Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs has ’em all beat. I mean, what kind of woman is wandering around in the woods, enters a strange house, cleans it up, and moves in with seven – count ’em – seven! men. Her name sure wouldn’t be Snow White! Ha! And they all have weird names, and one who is claiming to be a physician, but works with a pick ax in some kind of mine. Really? And that house must have been fraught with Small Man Syndrome. (If you don’t know what that means, look up Bonaparte, Napoleon). The next thing you know, old Snow White is laid out in some kind of coma in the woods. Please don’t tell me you are surprised. I know Mama taught you what would happen if you started hanging around a bunch of strange men. Now, get this: Some really handsome dude claiming to be a Prince (oh, please!) ambles over on his steed and sees her. I’m sure old Doc rushes over and, hiding his ax behind his back, says something like, “My good man, she suffers from narcolepsy. Can’t be helped.” This fell on deaf ears, and he lays a big old wet sloppy one on Snow White, not even afraid narcolepsy might be contagious. This wakes her up. No joke. It’d wake me up, too, if some strange guy riding around in the woods decided to accost me whilst I slept. She wakes up and – wait for it – marries the guy. I bet all the little men were in a brow-beating frenzy over that one! They probably plotted to use those axes for something other than mining, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. And, mark my words. Some idiot, some day, will come up with that plot line and do a horror movie. Just ask that new film director, Napoleon Bonaparte.